As you may know, I have plans to enter an MFA program in Writing by this coming fall.

This endeavor from a person who swore she’d never go back to school. Like I was swearing off of the bottle, or something.

I had to dig deep for these:

Shout out to fellow Bruin, Christopher Staton. He continues to do great things with and without a camera. We had fun. I loved UCLA. But boy, did I have my priorities wrangled. Taking a full course load, I worked several jobs over my four years in Westwood, sometimes 2-3 at the same time. Esta loca.

I started at CPK, interned at the Debbie Allen Dance Academy and got into TV development.

Jumbled in there I was also a barista, a production assistant, an executive assistant, a social butterfly, a student leader and a tutor to underprivileged high school students. Oy.

My grades ran the full spectrum from absolutely stellar to whatthehellisgoingonhere. By the end, I was so tired and so confused, I really think I stopped caring. Everyone had a future! Friends were going to amazing grad school programs, working big jobs. Nobody else seemed to be having a QUARTER-LIFE CRISIS. I was. The girl who always knew what was next.

I didn’t want to walk at my graduation ceremony. My family thought I was being selfish. I was holding on for dear life. How could I celebrate the end of something when I had no new beginning on the horizon? Such eloquence was beyond me at the time. All I could say was “you don’t understand.”

And so it went. Lots of crying. Lots of woe is me. There were times when for propriety’s sake, i could turn on the magic. I was able to pull off this photo.

I’ve been caught off-guard by how different approaching a graduate program is from the way things were for me in undergrad. Now, going to school is a way for me to delve deeper into a passion of mine and create a career out of something that totally inspires me. As opposed to just getting through something because that’s what you’re supposed to do when you’re in the top of your high school class.

I had a great time overall. I just think we have so much pressure to KNOW what’s next. We don’t always know. part of the joy is learning to love not knowing. Then, I’m noticing, it’s all grapes and giggles. Now if i can just figure out how to explain that transcript, occasionally mistaken for a Jordanian minefield.

Photo shoot credit: Christopher Staton